why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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