I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
