There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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