I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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