I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
