whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
