now i know why i became what i already was.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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