I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
