when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
