Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Randomize