we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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