There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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