I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
