you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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