So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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