Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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