3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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