Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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