How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
