she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
