My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
