The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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