The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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