If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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