my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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