Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
After last night, I could never be a politician.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
