I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
