it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
