Porn is love you can see.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
