Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just high enough for therapy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
