After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
