K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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