don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize