some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
