Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
