I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
