i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
