there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
