Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
