Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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