apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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