i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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