her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
