I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
