my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
