Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
