Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
