Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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