I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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