Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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