Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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