Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
