remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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