Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
