he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
