Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
