My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize