I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
