I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
