What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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