My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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