ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
