is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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