Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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