Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
