Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
