um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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