we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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